Even Smart Women Make Mistakes

I challenge you now...

I attended the University of Missouri in Columbia and left there after my second year with my MRS. We got married in 1980 and we had a wonderful daughter, Bradley, in 1982. I learned from my mother that a woman should be married. My mother almost always worked when I was growing up, so I also learned that mothers, wives, work and support their family and husband. So, I aspired to get a job, get married, and have a family. And I did.

I have been in Advertising, Marketing, Brand Development and Product Development for over 30 years. I had been in the business for more than 20 years when someone asked me how I had gotten into marketing and my response was I tripped and fell. I Knew I wanted to work with people, I had not real plan and the only job available was in advertising, so took it. 

Flashback, It's Thursday, February 3, 1994, I am getting ready to fly to Minneapolis for a business presentation. I have on my “I feel brilliant and confident” Red dress and my husband has just gotten home from the overnight shift at Chrysler’s number plant supervising the quality of their mini-vans. He kisses he hello and says with tears in his eyes, “Robin, I met someone else that I want to share my life with, I want a divorce".

I go on to catch my plane, after all, I have been trained that a woman works and supports her family right? So sitting in the window seat of a Northwest Airlines Boeing 7-something-7 the shock of hearing those words begins to ebb a bit, I make a decision. While I can not avoid being a divorce statistic, I do have a say so over what type of woman I can be going through and on the other side of the divorce.

In that moment, I chose to CREATE my life. I chose to define life, living, and love on my own terms.  I promised myself that post divorce there was going to be a stronger, vibrant, life-loving woman whose heart would not be hardened by one man and one choice made way back when.

And so it began. Those were the seeds, the beginning of Succelerance.  I challenge you now... Share with me what YOUR life would be like if you chose to live a life you deem as rightly successful.  What would you do differently?  What would you keep doing?  What beliefs do you hold that you begin to wonder... just where did those come from?  

Look for more from me shortly.  Let the musings begin.  Check out this information on Succelerance and reserve your place at the front. 

Robin

Did I Just Hear You Yell "STOP THE MADNESS"?

Do you really need life coaching? You know what? You really don’t need a life coach! And that is a true statement if your primary focus is on more of the same, not making a real difference in your life and the lives of others. So then you start asking questions… What do life coaches do anyway?  Why work with one?  I can do this alone, what can a life coach do that I cannot do? And can I really afford to work with one? 

What do life coaches do anyway? Life coaches act as sounding boards, provide a different point of view, introduce new skills, work with you to achieve what you are committed to and hold you accountable every step of the way. 

Why would I work with a life coach, what value do they bring?  Tell me, when was the last time you saw an amateur or professional athlete be successful in their chosen field who did NOT work with a coach?  It’s a paradigm shift to apply this concept to your life! Your urgent desire could be how to share more time with your family, or how to make more money and not invest more time, or finding a fulfilling job or career.  Life Coaches work with you to shorten the length of time it would typically take for you to achieve your goals. 

You say to yourself, I can do this alone. I’ve been successful to this point. I’m fine! True, you really have made it to this point, but you know deep down inside that with that extra oomph, or that different approach you really can make it happen NOW.  It may seem scary or you may be ready for it, but  my job is to move you from "I can’t do that" to "LOOK WHAT I DID"!  

I cannot afford life coaching.  Are you going with that one?  Well I once heard the statement that it is you who decides what life coaching is really worth.  When will you make up your mind that the commitment you are living to fulfill is worth more than the investment in making it happen? How much longer are you willing to wait to bring your dream to life? What is fulfilling your life dreams truly worth to you?  

Learn more about what it would be like to work with me, Robin Spence, at Rightly Successful, LLC a Certified Elite Life Coach.  My rates are reasonable and you can discover if working with me is a match by participating in a 30 to 45 minute consultation. Look me up here. Thanks!

Consider designing your life and making choices out of Personal Freedom, feel free to contact me. Also, check out my earlier posts on Personal Freedom.  I also offer coach and self-directed workshops on 3 Steps to Personal Freedom.  You can learn more about those at www.rightlysuccessful.com.

Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

One Shoe is of No Use to a Two Legged Woman - Work life balance

I’m a mom and I am incredibly proud of it.  At the same time, I’m a daughter and while I am tremendously proud of that too (I did a lot more to become and be a mom).  Being a daughter - at the age of 53 - is different work than being a mom, maybe even, perhaps even harder!  Really who knew?  Now I do. Do you?  I, at some point in my life thought I could be my own person.  I could make my own decisions, have my own thoughts, and make up my own mind. But aha… discovery time for me!  I still have mom and daughter to take into consideration

. 

I’m a two legged-woman, and consequently having only one shoe, aka being partially prepared to go through life does me no good. Walking through life as either a mom OR a daughter has not served me.   As a matter of discussion, what it really does is make life a lot out of balance.  Consider, ambling through life with just one shoe, even if the soul of that shoe is only ¼ inch thick, and you are pretty well grounded, you are still to some extent, off balance when you walk.  Now picture yourself with a 1’’ heel, really, talk to me about balance and comfort and being nimble and being able to run when you need to. None of which you are able to gracefully or effortlessly do as you attempt to navigate through life with just one shoe.

In talking with women I have learned that so many of them do this unconsciously. They are myopic on an aspect of their life, either on being a daughter, or a mom / an employee or mom / a woman-wife-girlfriend or a mom.   They think that they are making a decision from a balanced point of view when in fact these women are making a decision from an “OR / one shoed” point of view, not a holistic approach to living.

Earlier this week, I exchanged emails with an exceptional woman and family leader.  Notice I said “woman AND family leader”. With her husband, they looked at their lives and chose to live life from a place of love, harmony and peace and most importantly, do what was right for their family.  In looking at what worked for them.  The entire THREE generations of family members actively chose to move to a local that would be right for them. It fit their emotional, spiritual, lifestyle and cultural needs.

This family took six months to get clear about what brings them joy, what their financial requirements were and how they could be a stronger family and then took the next courageous act and made it happen. They uprooted the complete family so that the entire family could live balanced, wholesome and happy lives.  Wow, I commend and applaud that choice.

So I ask, when was the last time you looked at your work life balance and chose, what works and what does not work?  Have you recently taking your own life into your hands and said, X, Y and Z brings me joy and I am committed to bringing more of that into my life and less of 1, 3, and 5.  Frankly, it does not necessarily mean that you change locales. It could mean you change jobs, develop new or different friends, suss out new hobbies, find and join a church or spiritual home or approach your diet or exercise differently. 

Do tell - are you ready to accept that one shoe does no good for a two legged woman? By golly, I’m a two legged women and I want to stop hopping through life, NOW! And I want to do this for me, for my family and for my mother (and father)!  What new will you do for yourself today?

Friends, this is long enough for one read. Consider designing your life and making choices out of Personal Freedom, feel free to contact me. Also, check out my earlier posts on Personal Freedom.  I also offer coach and self-directed workshops on 3 Steps to Personal Freedom.  You can learn more about those at www.rightlysuccessful.com.

Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

Could a Blues Lover Benefit from Life Coaching?

Has this ever happened to you before?  You’re in a conversation with someone and the next day (or even a few moments later) you think about the conversation and say to yourself, gee, I wish I had said XYZ or just said anything other than what I said!

Yeah, well it happened to me recently! I have talked in previous posts about a Personal Action Certificate and some of you may have read mine. I have a line in mine that says “I expect to constantly question and challenge who I am by continually learning and loving life and strengthening my mind, body, soul and character.” Well I missed an opportunity to be kind and to show interest in another person.  I missed the chance to learn something new and strengthen my mind and soul.  I failed to recognize the best in another human being. 

Here is what happened. We’re at Beale on Broadway, an atmospheric Blues joint, in downtown St. Louis. Black and white photos of Muddy Waters,Elvis Presley, Etta James, B.B. King, Keith Richards, Tina Turner, Johnny Johnson and others line the walls. The place is no larger than most people’s living /dining room combo.  I’ve witnessed artists pluck a guitar off the wall to replace the one they are playing on stage. The haze in the air is from blues musicians past.  Your soul is comforted just entering the doors and your cares melt away.  The blues is to me as life coaching is to my clients. The way forward. 

It was between acts, about 10:15 on a Saturday night. There to experience the remarkable guitar playing of Marquise Knox, I started talking to a gentleman who was holding a guitar.  I walked up to him, introduced myself and asked what he was doing.  He told me that he was Mr. Knox’s brother and was just holding his guitar.  And then it happened!  I launched into questions about Marquise.  I failed to recognize and acknowledge the human being directly in front of me. 

So you may be wondering why this has stayed with me for this long.  Well two reasons. One, I did not live in accordance with what I say is important to me. I am out of alignment with what I say matters to me.  After living my Personal Action Certificate for this long, when I’m out of alignment with what it means, boy do I feel it, acutely. And two, I need to fix this, correct it! Not that I’m traveling around the world ready to pounce.  But I do want to apologize to his brother and carry on a conversation WITH his brother, about him and acknowledge him!  I don’t even know his name and I really want to fix my oversight. Each and every person is worth at least that much!

So that is my new mission.  Truly be with the person I am talking to.  Acknowledge the person who is in front of me and live in the now. Ironic since I’m trying to go back and change the past, isn’t it?

Oh, and if you see that Marquise Knox is in your area, and you are even a passing blues fan.  Check his styling's out.  Now that is time well spent. 

I'll let you know when I have corrected this oversight.  And I WILL let you know how I’m doing with being with the one I’m with. (is there a song in there somewhere?)

Friends, my guess is yes, even blues lovers would benefit from life coaching, it could help them find their way forward

Friends, this is long enough for one read. If you want to know more about designing your life and your Personal Action Certificate and and making choices out of Personal Freedom, feel free to contact me. Also, check out my earlier posts on Personal Freedom.  I also offer coach and self-directed workshops on 3 Steps to Personal Freedom.  You can learn more about those at www.rightlysuccessful.com.

Until then, I would love to read your comments!
Robin

Three Myths of Change: Life Coaching and You

We all have reached this place at some time in our lives.  You know the place… Your job, schooling, or relationship may be just starting or is nearing an end. You are looking to start, grow or close your business. You find yourself bored with your life and you are wondering what now.

Looking into the face of change, some of you may find yourself feeling panic, frozen, or possibly even indecisive. You want answers to life’s big questions:

Which way should I go?

I’m not sure, the way the prevailing winds are blowing perhaps.

What should I do?

What my friends, parents, or partner say I should do.

How do I know?

I don’t know; if I’m making someone else happy then I’ll know.

How will things turn out?

I will have to wait and see how things turn out, I really don’t have a say in how they will turn out.

These answers aren’t comforting; we cannot see into the future. As a life coach I work with clients to address ways to navigate and initiate change in their lives. Knowing the landscape of your life, you make decisions that support your goals. In business, and daily life activities, we implement this process automatically without much thought and consideration. We approach living out habit. This, in part, is the myth of addressing change. Our habitual behavior may not serve us well as we face new challenges or changing times.  We “go with what we know” without realizing that it may no longer or really had never served us well. We are operating on the myths of addressing change.

Myth 1: Make changes based on your personal experiences

Our mind and personal experience and knowledge are often times the first place we look to when addressing change.  Those who rely solely on this approach risk repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The myth of life dictates that our ability to identify with life experience as truth results in creating more of this truth in our lives. If this truth is a truth of painful experiences, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Myth 2: Making a change based on your emotions and intuition

Not everyone is in touch with their emotions and intuition or explore them freely.  Emotions are very useful in interpreting and / or being aware of underlying factors that may not be evident through hard tangible data. For some this is a gut-feeling for others they have a flash of insight or conclusion, and others feel twinges in certain parts of their body. Relying solely on emotions and intuition may offer little potential significance, it is not linked with practicality and it may be fleeting.

Myth 3: Making a change based on your spirituality or religion

Many of us look to our spirituality or religion to guide our decisions.  Spirituality is a quiet place, a higher level of wisdom for the greater good. This can be pertinent to you, your life, your family life, community, work, the world, and so on. The levels of knowledge accessible here are limitless. Relying solely on this approach does not take your personal experience into consideration. It is as though we are connected to a universal storehouse of knowledge.

Truth: Making a change based on how you designed your life

More and more people are designing their lives. What do you do when you design your life? It means being clear about who you are and what matters most to you. The payoff is you create the potential for a happier outcome to the change you are facing.  Living a Rightly Successful life, one YOU designed, offers a holistic approach to facing, dealing with and initiating change. It is far less judgmental and emotional. You synthesize all of these approaches, your personal experiences, your emotions and intuition and your spirituality and integrate them to make a choice about the change that leads to your own Personal Freedom.

You address change with higher levels of confidence. This is something that many people work with a life coach on because the are maturing and seeking more significance in their lives and meaning in their work. By making decisions about change from your Personal Action Certificate (PAC), the plan from which you are living your life, you can increase the likelihood that you can clearly address those big life questions.

Which way should I go?

In the direction that is consistent with how you said you were living your life in your PAC

What should I do?

Live in accordance to the roles you described in your PAC

How do I know?

You have the experience peace, calm, clarity and freedom of choice.

How will things turn out?

YOU are the one that says how things will turn out because you have designed your own life.

Friends, this is long enough for one read. If you want to know more about designing your life and making choices out of Personal Freedom, feel free to contact me. Also, check out my earlier posts on Personal Freedom.  I also offer coach and self-directed workshops on 3 Steps to Personal Freedom.  You can learn more about those at www.rightlysuccessful.com.

Until then, I would love to read your comments!
Robin

Life Coaching and your PAC

A Sample Personal Action Certificate

I created my Personal Action Certificate in November of 2001. And to this day, still live by it.  I wrote this because I wanted to be the architect of my own life and then live accordingly.

It has become fully ingrained and implemented into my life, yet it continues to live and breathe as I do.  I'm sharing it with you so you can perhaps see one benefit of participating in a life coaching partnership with me.  I'd be happy to guide your through this process.

Benefits of YOUR Personal Action Certificate:

In addition to your friends, family, it can remind you of why you are here on earth.  You will have your Personal Action Certificate to hold and refer to.

·  It focuses you

· It provides you hope and clarity

· It becomes your moral compass through the “stuff”

                        · If you have any type of decision to make in life

                                · You feel lost or frustrated

                                · You don’t quite know what to do

                                · You are faced with something really unsettling

                                · Any limiting self-talk wants to run the show

 

PERSONALLY…

Robin, do not discount today because yesterday it held such promise as tomorrow!!

As I go through life, and absolutely each moment in it, I must recognize that how I live also impacts me.  I will do all things because and as if I care and care deeply.  I expect to constantly question and challenge who I am by continually learning and loving life and strengthening my mind, body, soul and character.  Just because it looks difficult is absolutely no reason to shy away.

I live a stress-free, balanced life

exercise with regularity,

feel, be and act responsibility,

be honest with myself and others,

smile, and be realistically, optimistic,

realize that I also learn through my mistakes

seek and recognize options (there are always options), and

focus on the solution only after demonstrating that I clearly understand the problem.

I value my many extremely important roles.

As Mother, raise a loving contributing member to society who I mature with as I watch grow.  I want to react to her as who she is now and toward maintaining an open and honest relationship.

As Daughter, recognize that my mother did the best with what she had.  To know that because I am me, this does not lessen who she is.

As Employee, think ahead and prepare for change because change is a fact of life.

As Friend, respect our differences, learn from them and remain open minded.

Recognize my fears embrace them, conquer them. There really are so very many ways to succeed (and fail) – Persona Victories

Live as if goals are dreams in action and dreams are goals in waiting.

You really can do this!

Making the PAC your PAC.

• What are the areas of your life that work well and consider reinforcing those areas?
• Are you willing to address personal or professional habits that limit your effectiveness?
• What value would using aspirational language add to your PAC?
• What words would inspire and motivate you?
• Do you have a personal motto you might include?

I would life to talk to you in more detail about how you can create your own Personal Freedom. I have developed a mini-course, 3 Steps to Personal Freedom.  Please contact me at coachrobin@rightlysuccessful.com to learn more about the course and life coaching. Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

3 Steps to Personal Freedom - Part 3

I’m dedicated to providing tools, ideas, and motivation for each of you who are interested in living a “Rightly Successful Life”. Put another way, it is crafting a life of your own design.  One way to do that is to write and live out your Personal Action Certificate. 

3 Steps to Personal Freedom

1.    Engage your Life

2.    Create your Life

3.    Live your Life

Step 3: Live your Life

A Personal Action Certificate (PAC) is your measurement against how YOU are living your life.  Remember, it’s personal, dynamic, achievable yet aspirational. Yours may also be inspirational, however you’ve written it, you are about to embark upon your journey to Personal Freedom.

You have written your Personal Action Certificate and now what?  The key word is in the middle, action.  Now it is time to bring your plan to life.  But just how do you do that.  There is good news here, that’s totally up to you!  Since it is personal, you decide how you will execute on your PAC.

Your journey to Personal Freedom 

·         Which area of your life will you start with, your family, friends, work, yourself? 

·         What ways will you share your document or the spirit of it with others?

·         What measures will you put into place to keep you on track to living your PAC Out?

·         How would you know you have Personal Freedom when it’s achieved?

Consider the impact implementing your PAC would have in your life.

·         How is living the life YOU created working for you?

·         What would your life be like if you lived this way every day?

·         What would your days be like if you absolutely loved life?

These are just some starter questions in your process.  I’d love to work with you to develop your own Personal Action Certificate, your ticket to Personal Freedom.  Next post, I’ll share my own Personal Action Certificate.

If you don’t want to wait until the next post, feel free to contact me at coachrobin@rightlysuccessful.com to learn more about crafting your own Personal Action Document. Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

Leave a comment, share you thoughts.  Let's all grow together!

3 Steps to Personal Freedom Part 2

I’m dedicated to providing tools, ideas, and motivation for each of you who are interested in living a “Rightly Successful Life”. Put another way, it is crafting a life of your own design.  One way to do that is to write and live out your Personal Action Certificate. 

3 Steps to Personal Freedom

1.    Engage your Life

2.    Create your Life

3.    Live your Life

Step 2: Create your Life

A Personal Action Certificate is your measurement against how YOU are living your life.  First and foremost it is personal, only you can craft it.  It is dynamic, achievable yet aspirational. It is how you know you are living your Personal Freedom.

Use your assessment notes as a starting place. If you have no notes, it’s now time to start writing your thoughts out.  Open your mind.  Keep pushing through.  It may take several drafts for you to get what you want. Give yourself permission to create.  Again, don’t be concerned with the format; it could be phrases, full sentences or journaling.  But I strongly encourage you to write this out.

Include all aspects of your life. 

·         What are your overall objectives for your life? 

·         What are your values, who decided on them and do they still hold for you?

·         To what degree do you want to include religion or spirituality?

·         What are your beliefs, who decided them and do they still hold you?

·         Who is important in your life now? Do you want them to remain so?

·         How would you know you have Personal Freedom when it’s achieved?

Again consider where or who you want to be in your life?

·         What would living the life YOU created mean for you?

·         What would your life be like if you felt awesome about almost every interaction you had each day?

·         What would your days be like if you absolutely loved your job?

These are just some starter questions in your process.  If you want to explore how to punch your ticket to Personal Freedom, contact me.  Next post, we’ll talk about what to do with your Personal Action Certificate.

If you don’t want to wait until the next post, contact me at coachrobin@rightlysuccessful.com . Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

Leave a comment, share you thoughts.  Let's all grow together! 

3 Steps to Personal Freedom

This blog is dedicated to providing tools, ideas, and motivation for each of you who are interested in living a “Rightly Successful Life”. Put another way, it’s about crafting a life of your own design.  Most people don’t wake up and say, “hmm today, I’m going to design my life”.  The majority of the world doesn’t even acknowledge that they really can do something, anything different today from what they did yesterday.  I encourage you to consider creating a life that works for YOU and stop living life by default. 

3 Steps to Personal Freedom

1.    Engage your Life

2.    Create your Life

3.    Live your Life

Step 1: Engage your Life

If you have a commute try turning off those sounds and tuning into your own inner voice.  They don’t have to be long periods of time, but at moments over several days, THINK about your life.  Dig deep.  Be honest with yourself.  Write your thoughts out.  Don’t worry about the format; it could be phrases, journaling. 

Start by taking assessment of where you are in life. 

·         Are you doing the work that’s meaningful to you? 

·         Are you in a relationship that “works for you?”

·         Think about what you did yesterday. What is your level of satisfaction with your life performance?

·         Think about your relationships with your partner, yourself, children, employer, employees, fellow workers and others in your life, are they functioning how you want them to?

Now consider where or who you want to be in your life?

·         Deeply, really, honestly, where do you want to be in life?  Are you there?

·         What would living the life YOU created mean to you?

·         What would your life be like if you felt awesome about the interactions you had that day?

·         What does your own Personal Freedom look like, feel like, who would you be?

These are just some starter questions in your process.  I’d love to talk through these and other questions with you and assist you in developing your own Personal Action Certificate, your ticket to Personal Freedom.  Next time, we’ll talk about writing your own Personal Action Certificate.

If you don’t want to wait until the next post, feel free to contact me at coachrobin@rightlysuccessful.com to learn more about crafting your own Personal Action Document.  Until then, I would love to read your comments!

Robin

Leave a comment, share you thoughts.  Let's all grow together!

Is Your Life a DIY Project

We all know life is full of choices. The most powerful choice you have to make is how you view your life.

Choice #1: Life happens, you react
Choice #2: You are the designer of your life
 

The wonderful thing is that there is no “wrong” choice. Since it’s your life, you decide which is best for you. However, each option produces extremely different results. Perhaps the best approach is not to choose which option you like, but choose the option that has the end result you believe is best for you.
 

End Result of Life Choice #1 – Unknown
It’s impossible to determine the outcome here. Why? Because you’re letting everyone and everything else determine your life’s outcome. The one constant is that you will spend your life reacting to events around you.
But beware: many who choose this road end up considering themselves a victim of life. It’s easy to spot a Life Choice #1 individual – they are full of excuses and are quick to blame others. Like why they’re late every day to work (“traffic is horrible”), why they have no job (“nobody will hire me”), why they don’t have supportive relationships (“my parents didn’t teach me who to look for”), and in general, why they just can’t seem to get ahead.
 

End Result of Life Choice #2 – Known
The outcome here is much better defined because you are in charge. Essentially, your life is a blueprint, full of locations, building blocks, building materials, and even a few twists in the design. The exciting part about Life Choice #2 is that you are also the designer in your own life. What do designers do?  Create. Review. Revise. Add color, texture, landscaping – whatever it is that makes the design.
It’s easy to spot a person whose chosen Life Choice #2 - you take responsibility for your actions and accept the consequences, both negative and positive. The end result is that your life is yours.
 

Who’s Your Life Designer?
You…or everyone else? (Remember that not making a choice is not an option – it’s a passive way of picking Life Choice #1 - letting life happen.)
Now is the time to actively take control of your life. What path do you choose?

Just a few starter questions to consider as you begin to choose your path:

1.    What brings me joy?

2.    Do I like working with people, places, numbers, words or some combination?

3.    Is it my work or is it what I do in my spare time?

4.    What are the 5 areas of my life that are most important to me?

5.    What can I do to fully live life in each of those areas?

I'd love your comments on this post:

1.    Are you living the life you love?

2.    How have you designed the life you love?

3.   Is your designed life in accordance with your values and principles?

4.    Is it as your parents, friends, or other loved ones have suggested?

5.    I tripped and fell into a career years ago, and now I'm creating one that works for me.  How about you?

Okay this is long enough for one to read.  If you want to know more and begin your own journey, feel free to contact me at coachrobin@rightlysuccessful.com

Check out my series on Eliminating the Stress and Anxiety in Your Life here.

Thanks for reading.  I sincerely appreciate your time and attention!

Robin 

Learn more about Robin Spence

For more information about Life Coaching go to Rightly Successful.com